Once again, we are indebted to our friends at the BBC this time from Nairobi for reminding Ugandans what is really happening in Uganda. Without their investigative binoculars peering across the border, how else would we have known that our soldiers wear uniforms, that our President leads, and that our country has enjoyed uninterrupted peace for nearly four decades?

According to the latest revelation, Uganda is apparently ruled by a “shadow army.” A terrifying phrase, no doubt — except for the small inconvenience that this so-called “shadow army” also guards our borders, airports, oil fields, and the same journalists who write these alarming exposés. The BBC calls it “a private army.” We call it security. They call it “an iron grip.” We call it stability. But who are we to argue with foreign experts who know our country better than we do from 600 kilometers away?

Let’s be fair. In a continent where power often changes hands through coups, conflicts, or hashtags, Uganda’s greatest crime is consistency. The same leadership that ended decades of chaos now stands accused of leading for too long as though peace had an expiry date. Perhaps next time we should schedule a civil war every fifteen years to please the analysts.

And about the President’s family: yes, they serve in government. So do many families around the world the Kennedys, the Trudeaus, the Bushes. When it’s in America or Canada, it’s called “dynastic legacy.” When it’s in Uganda, it’s “family capture.” Maybe the only difference is the accent.

Then comes the favourite Western chorus: “militarisation.” One wonders what they expect soldiers to do — open flower shops? The Special Forces Command, they say, is “too loyal.” Indeed. Uganda’s biggest problem, it seems, is that our soldiers love their country too much.

Still, we must appreciate the commitment of these journalists who fly in to rescue us from our ignorance. They arrive with pens trembling with concern, explain our politics to us, and return to their safe hotel breakfasts to file their “urgent” stories about the apocalypse that never comes. Thank you, dear correspondents, for caring so deeply about our democracy that you forget to ask Ugandans what they actually think.

So yes, our nation has its challenges. But it also has peace, order, and growth things that don’t make sensational headlines. While others chase clicks, Uganda continues to chase progress. And if that steady hand on the wheel is what the BBC calls an “iron grip,” then by all means, tighten it.

Because if this is dictatorship, then we kindly request five more decades of it preferably with better roads.